“Here I am. Finally, I’m set. I’m a lawyer and my future is assured,” Dick Fitswell reflected as he calmly considered the last three years of his life. “I dropped out. I no longer wanted to rule an island or run a whore house or even see how many girls I could fuck. Instead I devoted myself to seven hours of study a day along with more than four hours in the classroom for three long hard years. It’s about time I can devote myself to what I can do for humanity. And now, there’s that appointment with those lawyers from Pay Your Pal.”

*****

But there was to be only one attorney representing Pay Your Pal in what could become the biggest supreme court case since the Dred Scott case before the Civil War. Harvey Massablock, appeared to be the very personification of his name. His head was over a third larger than it should have been. He had heavy dark eyebrows that gave him a brooding appearance while his hands appeared soft and flaccid as if he had never done an ounce of physical work in his life.

Philip Mindlessgame, the CEO of Pay Your Pal, appeared to be Harvey’s opposite. Philip weighed 165 pounds, which was far too little for a man standing over six feet-six. In fact, Philip cut such a thin figure for his height that he had once been mistaken for a water reed by a massive golden retriever which had smashed right through him as the animal sprinted out into a swamp to retrieve a bird one of Philip’s hunting companions had just shot. Philip was just as uncoordinated as he was too slender for his great height. When the dog knocked him down in two feet of water Philip’s head went under. Both his head and body sunk underneath the surface at the same time. Philip tried to raise himself from the water by his arms but found he didn’t have the upper body strength to be successful. He then tried to regain his feet by using his lower torso, but was unable to manage that too. Had he been alone he would have drowned. But one of his hunting buddies ran over to him and jerked him to his feet.

Philip had swallowed nearly a cup of water which was enough to get him spitting, coughing and gurgling. And as he coughed out the stale swamp water he looked all about him through reddened eyes and swore: “I’ll get you son-of a bitches for this!” he screamed. “I’ll have your heads on a pike so help me God. I’ll have you in court for so long, you will wish you had all been still born,” he threatened while still looking around him for imaginary enemies.

But the only things he could see were the hunting companion who had just saved his life and the dog that had mistaken him for a plant. His other hunting buddies were over a hundred yards away surrounded by thick swamp brush, their visibility limited to only 25 yards.

By the time Dick Fitswell was ushered into the executive conference room at the Pay Your Pal Needle Dome, Philip Mindlessgame had cooled down, but just a little.

“I’m not in a very good mood right now, so let me cut this one to the quick,” said Philip. “It’s those fucking Cambodians. They have violated our service agreement when they started using Fuk Sam Bay to buy all those used tired from the Cubans. So we are bringing them to court here in the U.S. With any kind of luck we can freeze all their assets that are being held by the Bank of America.”

“And I am the attorney representing the Cambodians,” Dick Fitswell replied. “Now could you please tell me how they have violated Pay Your Pal’s users’ agreement.”

“Well it’s pretty fucking obvious, isn’t it. It’s their goddamn temples at Angkor Wat. They have pornography all over those walls. Sickening shit, it really is. Those fuckers have no culture and no class. For years those pricks over there in Cambodia have been poisoning the minds of American tourists with all those naked breasts in all those temple walls.”

“But I’m not so sure the Cambodians have enough assets in American banks worth going after,” said Harvey Massablock.

“I don’t really give a shit,” said Philip. It’s the goddamn principal that counts. Obscenity must be punished wherever we fucking find it.”

“Who says these naked breasts are obscene? I want to know who has the right to declare them obscene. The Buddhists have had them on those temples over in Angkor Vat for over eight hundred years. And not only that, they have them in similar structures in Laos, Thailand, and Vietnam. And there’s similar places in China not to mention in Yucatan and over a dozen similar places in the world, all of which represents great civilizations of the past,” Dick Fitswell pointed out.
 

“Pal Your Pal says they are obscene,” Philip added. “And they are a fucking goddamn insult to all decent God fearing Christians throughout the entire world.”

“Ever think those Buddhists can give a rat’s ass about the Pay Your Pal user’s agreement?” said Dick Fitswell. I also want to mention that the way Pay Your Pal has been trying to enforce its user’s agreement is in direct violation of the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution that provides all Americans with freedom of speech, freedom of the press, and freedom of expression.”

“Fuck the U.S. Constitution,” Philip shouted. “That piece of shit is outmoded. It might have been okay back in 1800 but people are different today with different needs. We at Pay Your Pal are meeting those needs that are not being met for the modern day man and woman. And one of the things sorely lacking today is the fucking lack of values and of good taste.”

“And you think the Cambodians are lacking in good tastes?” asked Dick Fitswell.

“Goddamn right they are! Why they got those naked breast implanted all over their temples, those motherfuckers!”

“Have it your way, Philip, Harvey Massablock replied. “But Dick Fitswell does have a point. “I really don’t think we can win this in court. Well, we might at first, but by the time it hits the Supreme Court, any decision in your favor is likely to be reversed.”

“Well then, we will just have to have one or two of those Supreme Court justices assassinated, won’t we? “I’ll get in touch with some of my underworld connections right away. It’s about time that decency is restored back in this great country of ours,” said Philip.

“Do you think it’s wise that you say things like that in front of Dick, here? Harvey asked.

“I don’t think Dick is in much of a position to do anything about it,” said Philip. “We got him on video tape doing all kinds of nasty shit to more girls than most of us would dream of fucking in a lifetime. I got enough fucking shit on Dick to get him disbarred from the legal profession and probably enough to get him some jail time for what he’s done to underage girls.”

Dick Fitswell was speechless, perhaps for the first time in his life. He remembered having sex with girls under 18 on a few occasions. But there were also those many times he didn’t remember or didn’t care what age the girls were. He also knew there were government entities that did not shirk from gathering incriminating evidence against many Americans, especially those who operated on a high profile. He also knew that it wouldn’t take much for a company with Pay Your Pal’s resources to either buy such videos or to get their own made in house.

“But I think we need a more permanent solution,” Philip added. We are going to have to bomb all those temples into oblivion in order to make the world safe for American ideals. I think a half a billion dollars should do it. There are several very violent groups operating in Cambodia today that will do exactly what I ask them to do if we give them enough money. The North Koreans are perfectly willing to provide me with a tactical nuclear bomb for the right money. And they will ship anywhere I want the package delivered. Pay Your Pal will have a package delivered to Angkor Vat that will be marked “raw materials” which everybody’s going to think consists of lumber and tools to be used for temple repair. In fact, what I am having delivered is much more than a tactical nuclear weapon. It’s the real thing. Nothing diminished in size with this thing. It will be enough to completely level every temple in Angkor Vat. Everything in fact within miles.”

“But don’t you think this is going a little too far?” Harvey Massblock asked in complete disbelief.

“Not at all. I fully intend on making the entire world safe for all of us Christians. It will be a far more fucking safe place to live in and for the first time Christian morals and values will be made a matter of primal concern for everybody.?”

Two weeks later a nuclear bomb went off in Cambodia completely leveling Angkor Wat. Those responsible were presumed dead along with thousands of others that included a large number of tourists from a number of different nations as well as Cambodian citizens living close by. To a small group of confidants, Philip would later boast that he had “those Cambodian breasts” surgically removed. Both the American government and media blamed it all on suicide bombers representing a terrorist group of unknown origin. Except for the Cambodians, the world hardly noticed since it had been getting used to the idea of massive terrorist attacks using weapons of mass destruction for some time. Throughout the U.S. security measures everywhere were tightened with new systems being purchased for billions of dollars. By this time Pay Your Pal had invested large sums of money in those companies manufacturing the security systems that landed the most government contracts. Meanwhile, perhaps for the first time in his life, Dick Fitswell felt completely powerless at being unable to do something that he felt was truly important.